Here we go again....

 I can't believe it's been almost 8 months since I last posted.  I'd like to say that lots has happened but I suppose if it had you would have known about it already.  There have been some eventful moments but no real movement.....UNTIL NOW!!!

So let's rewind.........
Having originally made contact with a Local Authority (LA) we were put on 'hold' and decided to see if a different LA would do things any differently.  Initially things went well but it soon became apparent that the new LA wasn't for us.  We had been told by other adopters we had met that you should 'try before you buy' and that was certainly the case.  So, 6 months after meeting the original LA they got in contact again and we confirmed that we would still like to continue.  The next meeting was so positive.  They came to our home and we talked, clarified issues they were previously concerned about and set out our intensions for the future.

When they left we were full of hope and excitement, not at all like our first meeting.  They phoned us the following week to confirm that they were happy for us to continue to the next stage but (and there always seems to be a but) they needed clarity on a few more issues mainly our accomodation, finances and my health.  Not that I'm ill but I was due an operation and they had to make sure I would be fit and well.

So fast forward sligthly.  The op is done, accomodation sorted, finances declared.  Then we had an email regarding our finances.  Now we are by no means on the bread-line, I would say we are in the same position as millions out there and in the scheme of things our debt is really not that bad.  But the LA aired concerns around any financial stress that adopting may put on us.  I'm so pleased to say that after a very heart felt email they have (finally) confirmed that we have been accepted on the Prep Group with is the first (real) stage of the adoption process.

AT LAST!!!!!!

We've been getting in touch with other adopters, mostly in the local area, and were fortunate enough to meet one for tea a few weeks back.  It was so lovely to see a family in their environment just being a family.  It gave us so much hope.  I've also been following another blog which was totally amazing, I read the whole thing in one day, the whole year long blog.  I don't think the battery on my iPhone has ever drained out so quickly.  I felt every moment of his journey and once again I was filled with hope (and totally jealous).  He referred to the process as like being a contestant on the X-Factor and the stage we were are about to enter is boot camp.  It was the best comparison I'd heard and for an avid X-Factor viewer (don't hold that against me) it really brought it all home.

So, here we are, heading into Christmas with the great news that in mid January we will be at 'boot camp', meeting other prospective adopters, finding out information and learning what lies ahead.  Wouldn't it be great if by next Christmas 'we' became 'three'?

What a relief.....

So we had a house visit yesterday from a social worker for Croydon.  We'd spoken a few times on the phone and I'd had a mental picture of her but it didn't quite match up to the real thing.  At first sight she looks a bit disorganised and a little frantic and when we first started chatting David and I both thought she was going to chat forever.  As it was, she did.  Well for 3 and a half hours anyway!
For a first interview it was fairly probing but not a patch on our first experience with Tower Hamlets.  The only thing that stopped our meeting with Tower Hamlets being a Cold War style interrogation was the missing light shone directly into our eyes.  She on the other hand was thorough and firm but also very giving and nurturing.  She gave us lots of advice as she took us through the form and explained everything we need.  At some points it almost felt like a counselling session as she gave us advice on how many children we could practically deal with, how we could improve our finances and how I, in particular, could improve family relationships.  She definitely took a real shine to David, referring to his medical knowledge and calming nature.  She was very intuitive and wise and just like a good social worker should be.
As the end of the very long session she marked her timesheet as 2 hours instead of the 3 and a half and told us that most of the things she told us she wouldn't normally say at this stage of the proceedings but she had a good feeling about us.  Good for us!!
She then had a look around the flat.  This was my biggest worry.  It is a lovely flat but is it really child friendly?  Well, she thought so.  What a total relief.  When we looked at the spare room she was even giving us tips on how we could decorate the room effectively for a child and also make it work for us.  She is good.
So this is how it's left.  She'll be writing up her notes and will be recommending the we move on to the Preparation Groups which is the next stage.  She said that she believes we are a 'good resource' for Croydon and that can only be a good thing.  We're both looking forward to the preparation groups and the challenges they may throw our way.  To be honest we just want to be in the process.
It's another hurdle but there are many more higher hurdles to come.  I'm sure we can jump then together.

We went to the pub with some friends after the Royal Wedding today.  The pub was rammed and there where lots of kids running around, enjoying the sunshine, the pub garden and each other.  David and I were issuing parenting tips.  I wonder what kind of parents we will be???

Progress....

I was on the bus heading home thinking about what comments I would right in this blog about the fact that nothing seemed to be happening.  On Friday, I had to contact Croydon again because our social worker still hadn't been allocated and that was 3 weeks from the date of the letter we recieved and not the 2 weeks that it stated on the letter.  They informed me that we had in fact been allocated but she was actually off sick at the moment and that's why she hadn't been in contact.  So along comes Tuesday and still no contact. 
I was beginning to stew and then of course the phone rings.
As first impressions go, the social worker seems quite nice.  We had a bit of a chat to set a date for our initial visit so we can discuss what sort of child we are interested in adopting and what we have to offer a child.  If the social worker and the Adoption Team considers that on the basis of the information given we would be able to offer a Croydon child an adoptive home you will be asked to complete a formal application form afterwhich the assessment process will begin.
So meeting is on Thursday 28th April.  I can't wait,  fingers crossed.

A glimpse into the future

We're still waiting for Croydon to assign us our social worker.  We had a two week window in which to hear about who we were getting but as yet..... nothing.  I know it's early doors but it's really frustrating as we are so keen to get on with it.  The process is long enough with delays right at the beginning.  Well, hopefully we'll find out this week and then the work can begin.  Fingers crossed, or I'll be on the phone again!!!

On Saturday we went to Theo's 3rd birthday party.  Claire put me in charge of the bouncy castle.  'Easy', I thought to myself.  25 little loves, me and a bouncy castle....No problem.  Ah, right!! Who am I trying to kid. 
If truth be known, it actually wasn't that bad.  I tried my best to interact with them as they bounced, trying to get them to compete and see who could bounce the highest.  For the most part they warmed to me fairly quickly although a couple of them did look at me like I was the grim reaper.  It all went a bit pear shaped when one of the little girls bounced and landed on a little boys head.  He cried, then she cried, then I felt like crying as the parents quickly turned up to remove their children.  So David and I then retreated to the kitchen, we're good in there, and proceeded to help serve the kiddies their sandwiches and sausage rolls as the adults stood around the edges happily chatting and enjoying a moments of grown up time.  But it was good fun and a real glimpse into the future.  Hopefully one day we'll be the ones throwing a kiddies party or maybe our little one will come home with an invite to a little friend's party and we can be the ones drinking a cool beer (more likely a glass of wine) and chatting with the other dads (more likely with the mums).  Personally, I can't wait!!!

Had another reading session with Maisie today.  She's such a lovely little girl and she's really starting to relax with me now and she's starting to talk a lot more.  I showed her how to split a word up when she can't read it and she has started to demonstrate it and always gets the word.  That's brilliant as it really makes me feal like SHE is getting something from our time together.  She's starting to ask me what words mean as well, which means that not only is she reading but she is taking in new words.  But it's the Easter holiday's next week and I won't see her again for four weeks so let's hope we can pick up where we started.

So let's hope that Croydon get in touch, because if not....what am I going to write about next week????

Slow week

Not a great deal has happened this week.  Not a great deal to report.

I did in fact meet and read with Maisie on Monday.  And she is (so far) a little sweetie.  Very nervous but then who wouldn't be?  When we arrived at the school in our little blue bus the kids were waiting, books in hand, and I was introduced to Maisie.  She read a Horrible Henry story and for an 8 year old she reads really well but I'm glad I was able to help her with some words and meanings.  Hopefully this week she'll be a little more relaxed and I can find out more about her and get to know her a bit better.  After, more than just reading at each other I hope she starts to trust me and enjoys our time together.

Fingers crossed, we should be contacted by Croydon council this week with details of which social worker has been allocted to carry out our initial visit.  Hopefully they'll be nice and we can get the ball rolling.  I'm still a little nervous in case they don't find our flat suitable.  Essentially it's a double batchelor pad, but hopefully they'll see the potential in the flat and us and move us through to the next stage.  Croydon only do four preparation courses a year and we are both really keen to get started as soon as possible.

Croydon calling!

I must be well and truly in the right frame of mind to become a dad.  Today, David, Maggie and I took a family trip to Hastings for lunch (apart from the fact that we didn't actually arrive as the was a big accident on the motorway so when we finally got moving after an hour we went to Royal Tunbridge Wells instead) and at some point in the journey, I decided to was time to ditch the Saab Convertable and get something more family friendly, like a Golf or a Ford Focus.  The whole 'broody' thing has been there for ages anyway so that's nothing new to any who has spent any time in my company.  But yesterday when I was on the bus into town for a reunion, I sat on the top deck and saw into an adventure playground with kids running around and mums and dads taking a moment to breath as their little monster (translated little loves) ran around in wild abandon.  I wanted to get off the bus and join in but I think I would have looked a little bit weird without a child companion.  It made me think about of all the things we could do together, the places we could go and the amount of energy I going to have to try to muster up each morning!

Earlier in the week I had a really good chat with a lady from Barnados.  She was lovely and really bubbly, we had a really good chat and she put me at ease.  She asked all the usual questions, why do you want to adopted? have you thought of other methods? etc etc etc and very quickly invited us along to an information session.  I told her we had just been to one at Croydon but of course if we are thinking of going with Barnados, we have to follow their processes.  We also spoke about the pros and cons of going with a charity and local authority.

On Friday we got a letter from Croydon council who said that following us attending the information session they were going to assign us a social worker who would come and see us at home. It's very exciting and a little scary.  This really is the first step.  If they visit and find us suitable we really will be on the ladder.  Then it's the preparation classes and then the assessments.  I am a little scared that they may not think the flat is suitable but then why shouldn't they? There is a spare room, a nice big sofa and it would be easy for us to keep an eye on the kiddie as the flat is 'that' big.

After getting the letter from Croydon and after speaking to David about it later that evening we decided it was probably better for us to go down the local authority route and give Barnados a miss for now and see where Croydon takes us.  We still have the other local council on the back burner.  We should hear from them in August at which point we will either be well on the way with Croydon or we'll be waiting to move forward with TH.

On another note, I'm starting my primary reading this week.  I think I'm going to be reading with a little girl called Maisie.  I hope she's a little sweetie cause I'm really looking forward to it!!

D

A whole new network

So, on Thursday this week, also St Patrick's Day, we went along to the New Family Social drink.  New Family Social (from here on referred to as NFS) is a social network for gay and lesbian prospective adopters.  It's a great site and I think it'll be invaluable as we go through the process but I'll come back to that.  We were both a little unsure as we made our way to the NFS drinks which were in a gay bar in central London.  You never quite know who is going to be there and what kind of conversation you're going to have to make.  We first met the organiser and founder of NFS.  He is young guy, just s regular guy and very nice and easy to chat to.  We pretty much start quizzing him straight away and he is more than happen to answer any questions.  He and his partner have a little boy that they adopted 3 years ago and you can tell when you talk to him that is was one of the best things he's done.  We then meet an older lady who adopted some time ago, it was great chatting to her.  I could list everyone but that would be boring needless to say that we spoke to some lovely people who were at verying stages of the process who all had interesting experiences. I'm pretty sure we'll be staying in contact with pretty most of them.  I'm already looking forward to the next get together.

As I said earlier, NFS is a great and informative site.  We recently had our membership upgrade and now have access to the membership map.  It pin-points all the NFS memberships in the UK.  I was amazed to see how many members there are even in our local area that are in the process or already have their children.  It gave me a lot of hope and also fuelled my excitement.  I selected a few of those closest and sent cheekily sent them a message introducing David and I and basically laying the groundwork in the hope that we can get together at some point.  And do you what?  Every single one I emailed replied with words of encouragement and advice.  A couple even sent their phone numbers and one sent his facebook contact.  He also told me that another gay couple with a young son are moving literally five minutes up the road from me.  It's great to know there is a ready made network out there and I hope we are welcomed into it.  Where better is there to learn from than those who are experiencing it everyday.

We had another meeting today with a difficult local council.  Lucky two girls that we meet at NFS drinks had also arranged to go along.  It was a real relief to know that we have some sort of support there.  These information sessions consists of several people interested in adoption meeting with members of the adoption service who give a presentation, answer questions, set the scene, etc, and can be quite intimidating and awkward for a gay couple. So having them there was really good.  They are a lovely couple of girls and funnily enough only live around the corner from us.  We gave them a lift home and discussed the meetin, our thoughts, observation and concerns.  There was a lot of information given, some of which we already knew but those presenting weren't very good. Their language skills weren't great and they weren't really that clued up on some of the detail.  I hope they are not typical of the social workers that this borough offers.

So the question now is do we continue with this new council or do we keep looking? Do we hang on for the first authority we saw or not?  It fair to say that we could go with either and be lucky enough to get a great social worker, we could also end up with a terrible social worker after have a great experience at a first meeting with another council.  Is anywhere perfect??

We are quite lucky, we are a mixed race couple and that is what they are all screaming out for.  Maybe we'll get lucky.  Fingers crossed.

The long road ahead

Well here it is!!!  Anyone who knows David and I will know that we would like nothing more than to be dads. 
Earlier this year we kicked off the process and had a meeting with a local authority adoption service.  I have to say, in the scheme of things we were probably under prepared.  But like everything in life, when something comes your way you have to learn from it and grow.  And that's what we did.  We've read, joined groups, made contacts and talked more than we previously had.
The first agency we contacted (who as it happens think we have real potential as parents) want to delay the process for 6 months while we have some childcare experience, so if you want a free baby sitting service you know where we are!!!
As I said since we last spoke to them we've done lots of research which has led to us decide to look at other authorities and agency.  This could open up a whole new story for us!!

So, it's early doors but there is so much to come.  We know it's going to be a rollercoaster and a long ride but it's gonna be wort it......isn't it?