Croydon calling!

I must be well and truly in the right frame of mind to become a dad.  Today, David, Maggie and I took a family trip to Hastings for lunch (apart from the fact that we didn't actually arrive as the was a big accident on the motorway so when we finally got moving after an hour we went to Royal Tunbridge Wells instead) and at some point in the journey, I decided to was time to ditch the Saab Convertable and get something more family friendly, like a Golf or a Ford Focus.  The whole 'broody' thing has been there for ages anyway so that's nothing new to any who has spent any time in my company.  But yesterday when I was on the bus into town for a reunion, I sat on the top deck and saw into an adventure playground with kids running around and mums and dads taking a moment to breath as their little monster (translated little loves) ran around in wild abandon.  I wanted to get off the bus and join in but I think I would have looked a little bit weird without a child companion.  It made me think about of all the things we could do together, the places we could go and the amount of energy I going to have to try to muster up each morning!

Earlier in the week I had a really good chat with a lady from Barnados.  She was lovely and really bubbly, we had a really good chat and she put me at ease.  She asked all the usual questions, why do you want to adopted? have you thought of other methods? etc etc etc and very quickly invited us along to an information session.  I told her we had just been to one at Croydon but of course if we are thinking of going with Barnados, we have to follow their processes.  We also spoke about the pros and cons of going with a charity and local authority.

On Friday we got a letter from Croydon council who said that following us attending the information session they were going to assign us a social worker who would come and see us at home. It's very exciting and a little scary.  This really is the first step.  If they visit and find us suitable we really will be on the ladder.  Then it's the preparation classes and then the assessments.  I am a little scared that they may not think the flat is suitable but then why shouldn't they? There is a spare room, a nice big sofa and it would be easy for us to keep an eye on the kiddie as the flat is 'that' big.

After getting the letter from Croydon and after speaking to David about it later that evening we decided it was probably better for us to go down the local authority route and give Barnados a miss for now and see where Croydon takes us.  We still have the other local council on the back burner.  We should hear from them in August at which point we will either be well on the way with Croydon or we'll be waiting to move forward with TH.

On another note, I'm starting my primary reading this week.  I think I'm going to be reading with a little girl called Maisie.  I hope she's a little sweetie cause I'm really looking forward to it!!

D

A whole new network

So, on Thursday this week, also St Patrick's Day, we went along to the New Family Social drink.  New Family Social (from here on referred to as NFS) is a social network for gay and lesbian prospective adopters.  It's a great site and I think it'll be invaluable as we go through the process but I'll come back to that.  We were both a little unsure as we made our way to the NFS drinks which were in a gay bar in central London.  You never quite know who is going to be there and what kind of conversation you're going to have to make.  We first met the organiser and founder of NFS.  He is young guy, just s regular guy and very nice and easy to chat to.  We pretty much start quizzing him straight away and he is more than happen to answer any questions.  He and his partner have a little boy that they adopted 3 years ago and you can tell when you talk to him that is was one of the best things he's done.  We then meet an older lady who adopted some time ago, it was great chatting to her.  I could list everyone but that would be boring needless to say that we spoke to some lovely people who were at verying stages of the process who all had interesting experiences. I'm pretty sure we'll be staying in contact with pretty most of them.  I'm already looking forward to the next get together.

As I said earlier, NFS is a great and informative site.  We recently had our membership upgrade and now have access to the membership map.  It pin-points all the NFS memberships in the UK.  I was amazed to see how many members there are even in our local area that are in the process or already have their children.  It gave me a lot of hope and also fuelled my excitement.  I selected a few of those closest and sent cheekily sent them a message introducing David and I and basically laying the groundwork in the hope that we can get together at some point.  And do you what?  Every single one I emailed replied with words of encouragement and advice.  A couple even sent their phone numbers and one sent his facebook contact.  He also told me that another gay couple with a young son are moving literally five minutes up the road from me.  It's great to know there is a ready made network out there and I hope we are welcomed into it.  Where better is there to learn from than those who are experiencing it everyday.

We had another meeting today with a difficult local council.  Lucky two girls that we meet at NFS drinks had also arranged to go along.  It was a real relief to know that we have some sort of support there.  These information sessions consists of several people interested in adoption meeting with members of the adoption service who give a presentation, answer questions, set the scene, etc, and can be quite intimidating and awkward for a gay couple. So having them there was really good.  They are a lovely couple of girls and funnily enough only live around the corner from us.  We gave them a lift home and discussed the meetin, our thoughts, observation and concerns.  There was a lot of information given, some of which we already knew but those presenting weren't very good. Their language skills weren't great and they weren't really that clued up on some of the detail.  I hope they are not typical of the social workers that this borough offers.

So the question now is do we continue with this new council or do we keep looking? Do we hang on for the first authority we saw or not?  It fair to say that we could go with either and be lucky enough to get a great social worker, we could also end up with a terrible social worker after have a great experience at a first meeting with another council.  Is anywhere perfect??

We are quite lucky, we are a mixed race couple and that is what they are all screaming out for.  Maybe we'll get lucky.  Fingers crossed.

The long road ahead

Well here it is!!!  Anyone who knows David and I will know that we would like nothing more than to be dads. 
Earlier this year we kicked off the process and had a meeting with a local authority adoption service.  I have to say, in the scheme of things we were probably under prepared.  But like everything in life, when something comes your way you have to learn from it and grow.  And that's what we did.  We've read, joined groups, made contacts and talked more than we previously had.
The first agency we contacted (who as it happens think we have real potential as parents) want to delay the process for 6 months while we have some childcare experience, so if you want a free baby sitting service you know where we are!!!
As I said since we last spoke to them we've done lots of research which has led to us decide to look at other authorities and agency.  This could open up a whole new story for us!!

So, it's early doors but there is so much to come.  We know it's going to be a rollercoaster and a long ride but it's gonna be wort it......isn't it?