Frustration and love

I think we were definitely lulled into a false sense of security.  The first few weeks of Little One's placement made us feel like we finally made it, become and family and missed out all of the crap that we were promised.  Doh! Reality check!!!

We're having more strops and tantrums of late.  The current bone of contention is the scooter a friend of ours gave to her.  I always thought those scooters were meant to be a godsend to parents but this one seems to be channeling the devil!  Yesterday I was planning a trip to the park with Little One and the dog but there was a battle of wills when I attempted to put the scooter into the boot of the car.  This led to the biggest screaming match I've ever experienced.  Of course I won, but it was a long noisy battle and one I don't fancy fighting again although I'm sure I will have to.  I had the obligatory "I don't like you" and "I want my other daddy" thrown at me but you have to be the bigger person in those moments.  It's weird, I always though I'd be the fun dad, not the bossy one!

This morning was not a morning of good behaviour either.  I have to confess, I did end up shouting.  Although I didn't like doing it (and neither did she), it had the desired effect and we managed to get ready with minimum fuss and in record time.  Later, while I was doing her hair I felt compelled to apologise to her for shouting, something that my father would never have done to me, and she in return said "I'm sorry Dad".  But then, not more than 10 minutes later as we were about to leave for pre-school we had another tantrum about that blasted scooter.  Full on screaming and full on tears!

This is in no way as 'easy' as I thought it was going to be.  After the initial 'honeymoon' period the roller coaster really picks up pace.  The highs can be high and the lows can be low and you can get between them really quickly.   It's not always as Disney-like as I thought it would be, maybe a little more Simpsons, but that doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying being a father.  It's just really hard work, but any parent will tell you that.  I'm hoping this can all be put down to the fact that she is still settling in and is actually finding her place and testing her boundaries.  We'll get through it and come out the other side stronger.  We do have frustrating  moments but they are all surrounded with love and hugs and laughter.....not to mention a glass of wine once Little One is in bed!!

So many questions??????

From the moment we meet Little One it was obvious that she was a very inquisitive child.  She'd grab hold of anything that was within her reach and everything belonged to her.  Now we have entered that really annoying stage where every conversation is littered with the word Why? Even things that don't warrant a Why? response have a Why? thrown in.  As much as I love her it is totally annoying.  If she wasn't such an adorable, lovable rouge she would be like that annoying guy at the office that everyone ignores at the Christmas party.

I guess it's just one of the many stages that we will now be privy to first hand but in the meantime, how long does this last!!!!

How things have changed.

Half term week came and went, not without it's hiccups, and we're still here loving, learning and growing together as a family.

While daddy was at work, Little One and I had a very packed social calender.  On Monday we had a play-date with my cousin and her children and Tuesday saw us take a trip into my office.  Little One was the center of attention and seemed to love it. Everyone was amazed at how relaxed she was considering she had all these grown ups looming over her.  And she was noisy but I kind of expected that.  She also feed chocolate cake, how could I say no!!!

On Wednesday afternoon we looked after a friends child.  We played, made cupcakes, took the dog for a walk in the park and all was going well until an incident on the swivel chair in our front room led to lots on crying and a couple of bruises.  I felt so bad.  I think for the first time I thought about how I'd feel, as a parent, if my child had been hurt.  I felt physically sick.  And then a couple of days later when I heard he had a black eye I wanted the earth to swallow me hole!

The rest of the week so saw friends and their babies.  How life has changed!! LOL!!

This week we went to go an see daddy at work, yet again Little One was the center of attention.  That girl seems to get presents everywhere she goes.  On the tube journey home a lady started to talk to Little One, the conversation went something like this:
(Lady) Hello!
(Little One, pointing at daddy) This is my dad!
(Lady) Ooh!
(Little One, pointing at me) And this is my other dad!
(Lady) Oooh! (slightly more prolonged than the first) You're very lucky to have TWO dads!
(Little One) Yes I am!

We had a right laugh but it was funny seeing how the other passengers around us were reacting, some smiling and some looking puzzled.

I was going to wait until the adoption is finally legalised and the court papers were in our hands but I couldn't and yesterday I had a new tattoo inspired by my beautiful daughter.  It is actually a Celtic motherhood knot but I had it slightly adapted, as obviously I am not a mother!! I showed it to her and now when she looks at it she says "That is you and that is me".  Now she's in my heart and on my arm.