We're not really that different after all

So the bonding and learning process continues in all it's glory and in all honest I really don't think we are in a position to complain.  Little One is doing a great job and has met so many people and seems to be taking it all in and in her stride.  In fact, yesterday, quite randomly and out of nowhere she began to reel off a list on names of people she'd met.  It was bizarre to see great to know that she equates these people with her new life.

One of the main concerns when Little One came to stay was about how we'd cope.  Would this be a 'normal' existence for a child?  Would she have problems settling because the balance was wrong? In her previous placement she had a foster mother and father, how would she cope with two dads?
Since she arrived things have always seemed to be going well and we have received great support and compliments from friend but , I suppose, as a new parent you will have that element of doubt until your great epiphany appears.  I don't think my doubt is ready to depart just yet but we did have an epiphany whilst out at lunch today.

A couple with a young girl, probably only slightly younger than Little One, sat at the table next to us.  Their conversation was almost identical to the conversations we have with Little One most days.  The battle to go to the toilet, the sitting correctly in your seat, the 'please don't scream', the excitement when deciding what we're going to eat and the generally funny things they say.  It made us realise that everything is normal.  Ok, we may not be the '2.4 kids' type of family but Little One is loved and happy and growing and developing just like any other 'normal' (I use the word very lightly) child.  What can be better than that. Lots of kids grow up with lots of different circumstance but what is important is that their parents, in whatever form or combination they come in, love, protect and cherish them.  That's what Little One is getting.

In two weeks time we have our 3 month review and will complete our application to legally become Little One's parents.  Onwards and upwards to that happy day.

Frustration and love

I think we were definitely lulled into a false sense of security.  The first few weeks of Little One's placement made us feel like we finally made it, become and family and missed out all of the crap that we were promised.  Doh! Reality check!!!

We're having more strops and tantrums of late.  The current bone of contention is the scooter a friend of ours gave to her.  I always thought those scooters were meant to be a godsend to parents but this one seems to be channeling the devil!  Yesterday I was planning a trip to the park with Little One and the dog but there was a battle of wills when I attempted to put the scooter into the boot of the car.  This led to the biggest screaming match I've ever experienced.  Of course I won, but it was a long noisy battle and one I don't fancy fighting again although I'm sure I will have to.  I had the obligatory "I don't like you" and "I want my other daddy" thrown at me but you have to be the bigger person in those moments.  It's weird, I always though I'd be the fun dad, not the bossy one!

This morning was not a morning of good behaviour either.  I have to confess, I did end up shouting.  Although I didn't like doing it (and neither did she), it had the desired effect and we managed to get ready with minimum fuss and in record time.  Later, while I was doing her hair I felt compelled to apologise to her for shouting, something that my father would never have done to me, and she in return said "I'm sorry Dad".  But then, not more than 10 minutes later as we were about to leave for pre-school we had another tantrum about that blasted scooter.  Full on screaming and full on tears!

This is in no way as 'easy' as I thought it was going to be.  After the initial 'honeymoon' period the roller coaster really picks up pace.  The highs can be high and the lows can be low and you can get between them really quickly.   It's not always as Disney-like as I thought it would be, maybe a little more Simpsons, but that doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying being a father.  It's just really hard work, but any parent will tell you that.  I'm hoping this can all be put down to the fact that she is still settling in and is actually finding her place and testing her boundaries.  We'll get through it and come out the other side stronger.  We do have frustrating  moments but they are all surrounded with love and hugs and laughter.....not to mention a glass of wine once Little One is in bed!!

So many questions??????

From the moment we meet Little One it was obvious that she was a very inquisitive child.  She'd grab hold of anything that was within her reach and everything belonged to her.  Now we have entered that really annoying stage where every conversation is littered with the word Why? Even things that don't warrant a Why? response have a Why? thrown in.  As much as I love her it is totally annoying.  If she wasn't such an adorable, lovable rouge she would be like that annoying guy at the office that everyone ignores at the Christmas party.

I guess it's just one of the many stages that we will now be privy to first hand but in the meantime, how long does this last!!!!

How things have changed.

Half term week came and went, not without it's hiccups, and we're still here loving, learning and growing together as a family.

While daddy was at work, Little One and I had a very packed social calender.  On Monday we had a play-date with my cousin and her children and Tuesday saw us take a trip into my office.  Little One was the center of attention and seemed to love it. Everyone was amazed at how relaxed she was considering she had all these grown ups looming over her.  And she was noisy but I kind of expected that.  She also feed chocolate cake, how could I say no!!!

On Wednesday afternoon we looked after a friends child.  We played, made cupcakes, took the dog for a walk in the park and all was going well until an incident on the swivel chair in our front room led to lots on crying and a couple of bruises.  I felt so bad.  I think for the first time I thought about how I'd feel, as a parent, if my child had been hurt.  I felt physically sick.  And then a couple of days later when I heard he had a black eye I wanted the earth to swallow me hole!

The rest of the week so saw friends and their babies.  How life has changed!! LOL!!

This week we went to go an see daddy at work, yet again Little One was the center of attention.  That girl seems to get presents everywhere she goes.  On the tube journey home a lady started to talk to Little One, the conversation went something like this:
(Lady) Hello!
(Little One, pointing at daddy) This is my dad!
(Lady) Ooh!
(Little One, pointing at me) And this is my other dad!
(Lady) Oooh! (slightly more prolonged than the first) You're very lucky to have TWO dads!
(Little One) Yes I am!

We had a right laugh but it was funny seeing how the other passengers around us were reacting, some smiling and some looking puzzled.

I was going to wait until the adoption is finally legalised and the court papers were in our hands but I couldn't and yesterday I had a new tattoo inspired by my beautiful daughter.  It is actually a Celtic motherhood knot but I had it slightly adapted, as obviously I am not a mother!! I showed it to her and now when she looks at it she says "That is you and that is me".  Now she's in my heart and on my arm.

Big week ahead!

In the lead up to my adoption leave I could think of nothing better than being home all day, all week, and being the best father I could to Little One.  For the last six weeks Daddy has been off work too, making caring for our new arrival an easier and enjoyable task  The fact that she's been a pre-school three mornings a week has also added to the illusion but tomorrow is Daddy's first day back at work and it is also half term so school is closed!! Eeeek!! That means that I'm left holding the baby!! My dream come true? I thought so, so why do I feel nervous to my core?  How the heck am I supposed to keep an active 3 year old constantly occupied?  Whilst being a very confident little girl Little One does like to have you around all the time and constantly wants to be engaged with you (unless of course she is watching Mr Tumble or the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!).

When I realised it was half term week I called everyone I could that I thought would be free and very quickly filled up my diary with lunches and play dates.  My social calendar has never been so active but hopefully Little One will enjoy all the activities and meets, I know I'll find it a lot easier.

I know it will be fine, I know we'll both have lots of fun.  Maybe it's just the fact that Little One is such an active little soul and (quite frankly) I'm still finding it hard to keep up with her that I enter the half term week with trepidation.  But this will be the first half term of many and I'm pretty sure I won't be feeling this way next half term.  Will I?

Come round here and say that!!!

My blog doesn't normally (well, never really) take a political stance but every now and then something happens or you hear something that just won't leave you alone.

Yesterday David Jones, the Conservative MP for Clwyd West went on ITV Wales defending his decision to vote against the Government's plans to introduce gay marriage.  Fine, if you don't agree with it, that's up to you.  I don't see why anyone should or would give a damn about two people they don't know getting married but fill your boots if it makes you happy.  What really stuck in my head (and throat) was his comment that same-sex couples can't provide a 'warm and safe environment'.  I'm not going to paraphrase, that wouldn't be fair.  If I did I'd probably make him sound more ignorant than he is.  What he actually said was......

"I was one of two cabinet ministers who did vote against it and it was for various reasons. Certainly in constituency terms, I felt that overwhelmingly the constituents of Clwyd West were opposed to the change. But also I regard marriage as an institution that has developed over many centuries, essentially for the provision of a warm and safe environment for the upbringing of children, which is clearly something that two same-sex partners can’t do. Which is not to say that I'm in any sense opposed to stable and committed same-sex partnerships."

Well thanks for not being opposed to my relationship as well!

Funnily enough Andrew White, the director of Stonewalls, has commented that opinion polls show that 62% of people in Wales support the UK Government's proposals for same-sex marriage so either Mr Jones is lying or a large number of the 38% who were 'opposed to the change' must live in Clwyd West! (I'm not having a dig at residence of Clwyd West)

Following the backlash Mr Jones issued a statement saying the following....

"I did not say in the interview that same sex partners should not adopt children and that is not my view.
I simply sought to point out that, since same sex partners could not biologically procreate children, the institution of marriage was one that, in my opinion, should be reserved to opposite sex partners."

Sounds like a bit of back-peddling to me, but also a stupid thing to say  So, we should adopted but we can't provide a warm and safe environment?  Just because we can't biologically 'procreate' does that mean we shouldn't get married.  And what about 'opposite sex partners' that can't 'procreate'? Should they not be able to get married either or is it ok just because they are opposite sexes?

My message to Mr Jones is this.  Come round to my house and meet our family, speak to any of our friends, social workers and health visitors that have experienced our warm and safe environment and then tell me that we don't have the essentials to bring up our child!

I dare you!!!

One month in....

Four weeks ago today we collected Little One from her foster careers for the last time and brought her home.  Four weeks doesn't sound like a long time but in some ways it feels like Little One has been with us forever.  Of those that have already met her, most can't believe she has only been with us for such a short time.
We still have to pinch ourselves to believe how lucky we have been with our process.  Little has settled better than ever expected and is already a pre-school.  We had originally thought that we would have to be in quarantine until the dust settled but that seems to have happened almost over night.

Here are some of the occurrences that have made us feel like a family:
1) the first time someone looked at Little One and said "Is this your daddy".
2) the first set of freshly washed toddler clothing on the washing line.
3) the first day Little One woke up and said "Good morning daddy" with her beautiful smile.
4) the first tears that were wiped away and big dad hug given.
5) the first drop off at pre-school.  She cried, I cried.
6) our first trip to the swimming pool.
7) the first time we had to wake up in the middle of the night and try to soothe her back to sleep.
8) the first time we had guests over to witness our little family unit.
9) the first time I saw her sleeping after a very tiring day.
10) the first time Little One said 'I love you'

We had our first review with the social workers last week.  Thankfully everyone was in agreement that everything is going well and no-one has any concerns about the placement.  Phew!  We recently met the Health Visitor from the doctors surgery who also came to the meeting.  We'd only met her twice before the review so were unsure what/how much she'd have to input to the meeting.  Her comments about her observations almost made us cry, they were so unexpected but very welcomed.

I'm not going to lie, I'm tired half the time and any downtime is greatly received but Little One is a total joy and such a great personality.  She loves to sing and the other day we taught her a song which she now sings all the time.  It's our take on a disco classic. It goes like this....
"We are family, I got my two daddies with me!"