Merry Christmas little one

As we prepare for a lovely Christmas with the in-laws in Ireland there is just one present missing. Our Little One.

Luckily this morning we were able to 'Skype' Little One this morning and watch her open the present we gave her.

At least this is the last Christmas we'll be spending without her and it won't be long until she is home.

Merry Christmas Little One. xx

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Oh my goodness!  Such a lovely day was had today.  As we arrived at Little One's residence we were greeted with a big warm smile and a hug for each of us.  I couldn't help but smile as I stroked Little One's wild mane of hair.  I know it's only been a couple of days but the fact that she was so excited to see us was such a warm relief.  It wasn't long before she was sitting on Daddy's lap and chatting away.

Then we had lunch with little one sat between Daddy and I.  She giggled as we pulled faces at her whilst she demolished her chicken wings.

We then to a trip to the library with little one's foster mother.  Daddy had the honour of Little One holding his hand all the way there and back.  Knowing him as I do I'd say this was one of his proudest moment in a very long time.  I even got to do the obligatory 'girl on dad's shoulders' routine.  I loved that too, a proud moment for me!

All too soon though our visit was coming to an end.  We must have said 'We should be going' about 10 times.  The most treasured moment came just as we left.  After numerous hugs and 'see you soon's Little one was sat on the stairs holding the introduction book we made for her, and  just as the front door she said to her foster mother 'My daddies are going'.  Our hearts totally melted, they are still all over the floor.

We've had two amazing meetings with Little One, the bitter pill is that we now have to wait two weeks until we will meeting her again.  But when we do it'll be the final stretch and Little One will be on her way home.

Love at first sight?

On the way to meet our little one for the very first time we were stuck in a massive traffic jam and as a result were 40 minutes late.  Not only were we anxious about the meeting but I also hate being late.  This was not turning out the way I was hoping.

That was until we got there....

Little one was a huge ball of excitement and fun and smiles.  We had anticipated awkward moments of her hiding behind her foster mother or crying as we tried to talk to her but there was none of that.  Instead she was happily cooking on her toy kitchen and giving us samples of her toils.  Her foster mother would say 'Give that to daddy' or 'Give this to dad' and little one knew just who to give it to.  It was slightly overwhelming to know that she only knows us as her dad and daddy!

Little one took the two of us up to her bedroom where she found yet more toys to show us one of which was the Learning Bus.  She would point to a particular button and say 'Push that'.  We did, and it played 'The Wheels on the Bus'.  Right there, we shared our first sing song as a family.  We all sang and clapped and smiled.  A treasured moment.

We took some photos and little one happily sat between me and daddy and smile and posed.  Our first photos as a family.  Another treasured moment.

Pretty soon it was time to go home and this was the only moment we saw anything other than her lovely smiley face.  It seemed that she didn't want us to go.  As I asked for a goodbye hug little one said no and hid behind her foster mother.  That only lasted for a moment, I soon got my hug and daddy got one without even asking.

So we said our goodbyes and headed off.  If I'm honest I don't think I've thought of anything else since.  We have met our daughter and she is truly scrumptious!  Roll on the next meeting on Friday, let's hope it's another good one.

It's the final countdown...da da da da!!

Dare we dream to believe that in one month's time little one will be at home, with us, and we'll be a family.

In the meantime it's only a 4 day wait until we meet her for the first time.  I'm pretty sure that this will be the longest 4 days we've had to endure for some time.  We know so much about little one but to actually meet her, in the flesh, is going to be a totally different kettle of fish.  What will she think of us?  Will she have any understanding of who we are and what this means for her?  What if hates us!

We were warned not to expect too much on the first day but how amazing would it be if little one gave us both a big smile and a big hug as we walked in the room.  And how mind blowing would it be if she were to refer to us as Dad and Daddy.  But like I said, dare we dream to believe.  I suppose we'll find out soon enough.

We're almost there

Today we had our introduction planning meeting and as with everything we have experience throughout this process it was a total roller coaster   To see the next few weeks of our lives marked out in black and white was really something.  In the room was us, our girl's foster parents and a (surprisingly large) number of social workers.  As we discussed what was to come I was totally filled with a million different emotions.  It didn't help that I could tell that our girl's foster mother was looking quite emotional too.  I couldn't even look at her half the time.  The lead social worker was so good, and thanked both foster parents for the care they had given our girl, which was made me even more emotional.  In the words of Whitney Houston, 'I get so emotional baby!'.

The only down side from today's meeting was that we had expected our first meeting with our girl to be next week but due to diary constraints it has to be delayed for another week.  We are so used to delays now that we have adopted (no pun intended) the glass half full approach.  So we have to wait another week! It's only a week and then we get to meet our girl for the first time.  And at lest we know know when she will be home with us and we can begin to be a family.  She should by now have the book we made for her and hopefully she would have seen us for the first time.  I hope she likes what she sees.

We got our Matching Certificates today.  I handed it in at work which basically confirms that I will be going off on adoption leave.  I've also confirmed my last day at work which is only a couple of weeks away.  The amazing thing is that we've known what could/would be coming for over a year but now it's here it's so hard to take in.  Yet again, the emotions are taking over!

Finally the old car is gone and the new 'family' car is in it's place and on Sunday we pick up a car seat from a friend.  It's going to be such a odd feeling driving in the car with a child seat but no child in it.  With our 'glass half full' approach at least we know the child to fill the seat is not far away.

The pieces are finally fitting together

Today was a pretty amazing day!!!

We had our second approval panel in 8 weeks.  This time it was to be matched to little one.  Despite there being much more riding on this panel we weren't as nervous as out last panel, but don't be fooled into thinking we weren't nervous.  I can tell you, we were nervous!  We had a better idea of what to expect but ultimately this was a bunch of people telling us we could or couldn't become parents to little one!

The panel, made up of the lovely chair-lady and a few other faces we remembered from last time, grilled us slightly and then sent us out into the waiting room.  Only a few minutes later the lovely chair-lady came into waiting room to deliver the verdict.  She cracked and wide smile and said "The answer, of course, is Yes!!"  Apparently it was a unanimous decision!

We were both totally overwhelmed, and excited, and happy, and relieved and hopefully.

It's hard to think that of all of the people we met at our prep group in January this year, we are the first to actually be matched to a child.  More importantly it's hard to believe that, even despite all of the work we've put in and after all of the meetings we've sat through, we are finally on track to become dads.

So now yet another countdown begins.  Next week we have our introduction meeting to discuss how, when and where we will begin to connect with our child.  I like saying that, 'our child'.  But that's what 'she' is now.  For so long we've thought about little one but know we can really think about what it will be like when she is here in a few weeks time.

Meet the foster parents

This process always has it's ups and downs but the key thing to remember is that everyone involved is working to one common goal and that is always the best interest and welfare of the child.  It's hard to stay focused on that sometimes as the selfishness of human nature means you want everything right now but it's a good thing that the professionals never let go of what really matters.

The timescales of when little one could/will be home with us have been delayed slightly but, as much of a bitter pill it was to swallow, the reasons behind such a decision make total sense in the scheme of things.  And it's not like things aren't going to happen, they'll just take a few more weeks.  And what is a few more weeks when a) we've waited this long and b) we've got the rest of our lives together?  So it won't be this Christmas, but it'll be next Christmas, and the one after that, and the one after that, and.......

We also meet with little one's foster carers this week.  It was pretty daunting but they were a lovely couple and made us feel very much at ease.  We've read so much about little one and seen gorgeous photos and a very informative DVD but nothing measured up to seeing the people that have cared for little one for so long talk so openly and lovingly about little one's development, habits, personality and energy.  You could tell just how much affection they have for little one, it was very moving but great to see.  I hope those bonds are recreated with us.

The bedroom is coming along.  The first bed didn't work so we bought another.  That bed was totally wrong (internet purchase!!) so now we are on our third bed.  This one is a winner.  We've started to decorate the room too.  We're also putting together a book for little one.  It'll have picture of us and the dog, little's one room (once it ready), family, friends, places we'll take her etc.  Hopefully it'll give little one an insight into who we are.  I hope little one likes what they see!

Countdown to matching panel

So, we've had confirmation that there is one more hurdle to leap before the pieces of the puzzle are put together. In a months time we will facing the panel yet again but this time to be matched with our little one.  It's hard to believe how close this is, how real this is becoming.

Next week we meet little one's foster carers.  I'm expecting it to be an emotional meeting, for them as much as us.  They have invested so much into little one, how will they feel about meeting the people who will potential be replacing them.  On the plus side they will be able to tell us so much about little one.  They are the ones who know her best.

Little one's bedroom is coming on very slowly although I'm sure that over the next few weeks the pace will pick up a bit.  Every now and then we pop out and come back with a few new pieces.  Today we finally collected the bed our friend gave us.  I imagine it won't actually be put together for a little while yet.  We also got some gorgeous material which D is going to make into curtains, he's a more versatile man than I.

So it 4 weeks and counting till the big decision and probably six weeks until little one is home IF all goes according to plan! Can you believe??

Yay! Finally approved!

Well, it's taken slightly more than 9 days to get the official word but we finally got it today and we are 100% approved!  Woo hoo!!!

The lead up to Approval panel was a daunting experience but the moment the recommendation was delivered we were flooded with joy and relief!  A massive thank you goes to our social worker, her team and our friends who got us through what was a stressful and nerve racking period.  We can't believe that the assessment period is over and we are now massively excited about what is to come.

You may have noticed that it's been a while since my last post.  Up until recently it has been very therapeutic to be able to write my feelings down but in the last month or so it has been hard to get them straight in my own head.  Not because they were bad, or because we were having second thoughts but because there we sooo many thoughts they were hard to untangle.  Although things were always 'looking good' there was always an element of doubt which really play with your head.

The good thing now is that the assessment and approval panel are behind us and we are extremely lucky to be considering one potential match which if all goes to plan 'could' be our child.  Little one is really becoming a reality.  We have one more panel to go, matching panel at the end of November, and then we are one step closer to meeting little one.  In the last few weeks we've been looking at pre-schools, playgroups, bed, toys and the list goes on.  It's all so close we can almost touch it.  Can't wait until the day we can hug it too.

Not long to go

I can't believe that in just nine days time we will know if we have been approved as adopters!!  After all these months and months, of what seems like an eternity, we will know if we have been progressed to the next stage.

It's been a interesting few weeks with, in hindsight, lots of activity.  And lots of welcome activity.  There have been meetings, courses and readings.  We've been lucky enough to have some really interesting and insightful conversations with a handful of different people and are both feeling positive and hopeful.  We even painted the spare room today and got rid of the old double bed that was in there.  It looks like such a different room now, not at all like the room it was at the start of this process.

So, at this very moment in 9 days time it'll either tears of joy or tears and tantrums.  Either way, there will be tears.

It's a waiting game

So after the heady excitement of a couple of weeks ago we seem to be in a bit of a no-mans land.  No more excitement, no visual movement, no nothing.  We've had a couple of emails from our SW but nothing to write home about.

On Thursday our SW's boss is coming over for a '2nd opinion visit'.  I don't really have any idea what it involves but I'm guessing she'll be taking about our PAR, which hopefully should have been completed by then, and asking us any other questions she might have.  Luckily she has been to our home before so she should, fingers crossed, see all the changes we have implemented.  Let's hope she's proud!

On this very day, in exactly four weeks time, we will find out if we have been approved or not.
Four weeks.
"Not long to go", I hear you cry but in this process four weeks is like an eternity, especially with the prospect of our little one already waiting around the corner.
Four weeks.
Four long drawn out weeks with nothing to do but watch the clock.
Four weeks.
Not long when you consider we first started looking into this process 20 months ago. But then again four weeks is only the next barrier/hurdle we have to face.  Once that is out of the way the real waiting begins!

The last assessment visit

So that is it, for this stage anyway!!!  Yesterday we had the last of our assessment meetings with our social worker.  We won't be seeing her for another six week until we go to Approval Panel.  In that time she'll be writing up our PAR (Prospective Adopter's Report) and no doubt sending us countless emails to clarify bits of information we've spoken about over the last six months.  In fact, I've just got off the phone to her.

There seems to be lots of action going off in the background and things seem to be moving pretty fast so who knows what we'll be faced with next.  Can we really be as close to the end as it feels?  Can it be possible that we have already seen our little one??

Well that was a surprise!!!

Well, you could have knocked us both over sideways!

We had our penultimate meeting with our SW today and we knew it was going to be a tough one.  Not only were we both tired (long working days for both of us) but we were going to be going over our finances.  I had not been looking forward to it but in actual fact, that part wasn't that bad.

Our SW is really pushing us now as we are coming to the end of the assessment and she has always said that she wants us to be prepared and  today it became clear why.
In mid conversation she pulled out a stash of papers which included the advert-style profiles of three children the family finding team already have in mind for us.  You should have seen us when she gave us the papers.  It was like we'd been told we'd won the lotto, total shock and surprise.  It was certainly not what we were expecting, not tonight anyway.

Yet again, it's another stage where things become more real than they have ever been.  Suddenly we're  no longer talking about kids in care, we are talking about real children, with real names and real wants.  It's crazy to think that we may have already seen the face of our little one.

If we have seen you're face for the first time little one, we can't wait to meet you in person.  But who knows what the future holds in store, we may not have found you yet in which case we'll just keep on looking!

We're getting there

Isn't funny how time races away from you when life is busy?  Even at the moment, we don't even have a little one to run around after, but there never seems to be enough time.  I meant to write an entry last weekend but I suppose it's better late than never!!!

Last Saturday we met up with some of the member of our prep group in Central London.  It was the first time we'd seen any of them since the workshops finished in February although we've mostly stayed in contact via email.  I don't think anyone knew how it would go as, in reality, we didn't really know each other but the conversation flowed easily and it was really interesting hearing about everyone's process and experiences.  I really bonded with L, even at prep group, and now that we learned that we will be sharing our social worker there is an even stronger bond.  It was great to be able to share some of the things we have experienced with her and let her know our thoughts about our social worker.  Luckily, our thoughts were good ones and compared with some of the experiences the others have had we were in an excellent position.  And talking of positions, it appears that we are further into the process than anyone else.  Now I know this isn't a race (if anything this is the hardcore training before the long race) but to have people who are in the exact same boat smile at you and say, "You could be the first to be placed with a child" was quite something.  I had to use all the will power I had just to stop myself from getting too excited.
I also enjoyed chatting with J & A.  A is a funny fella and has lots of similar ideas( wacky as they may be) to me.  We also learnt that one prep group couple had decide not to proceed with the adoption.  It just goes to show that this process isn't for everyone, only those who are really determined. 


On a lighter note, we had a trip to IKEA on Sunday and bought a new wardrobe so we could start to clear out the spare room for little one.  Whilst there we ticked a few things off our 'health and safety list' as provided by our social worker and bought a Sun light-shade, the first step on transforming the spare room into a kiddies room.

Learning lessons

We are firmly into the second week of our holiday and this week we have seen more of Little G's ups and downs which is all good considering the amount of time she has spent in this endless heat with 5 adults. On Sunday night we took her out for the evening while her parents went off for some romantic alone time. It's a great honour that they feel they can trust us enough to leave her in our company and enjoy themselves. The plan was to go for a Chinese meal and hit the fun fair that Little G had spotted a few days earlier. She was also mega excited because it meant that she could wear her little Chinese dress, and she looked lovely in it. The only problem was that the fun fair was on the way to the restaurant so there was no escape. We gave little G a three ride limit and promised that we could come back after dinner. She managed to wangle at least six out of us. She was brilliant throughout dinner and the promise of going back to the fun fair meant we had an almost clean plate. After dinner and back at the fun fair little G managed another three rides plus 10 minutes on the trampoline. Then on the way home we found another bouncy castle/trampoline combo on which she spent 20 minutes. I'm knackered just thinking about it. Yesterday we all visited the local water park and fun was had by all, however upon return to the villa the smallest of incidents sparked an enormous (what felt like never ending) tantrum/crying episode. It must be hard and quite traumic as a parent to see your child in that much of a state but it left David and I thinking how we would react in such a situation. I know we have our ideas but in the harsh light of reality I wonder how we will behave? I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. On an excited note we get back home in a few days and it's off to IKEA and the prep for little one's new bedroom is due to begin. First step, a wardrobe for our room and then turning the spare room into a child-friendly zone. Ooh, I love a project!

Beach baby

I haven't written in a while mainly due to the fact that there hasn't really been a vast ampunt to write about. We've had more meeting going over not too dissimilar topics so although we are getting closer to the end date not very much seems to be changing for us. I suppose the main things are: 1) We asked my cousin if she would be guardian in the event that anything should happen to the both of us once little on is placed. Luckily (and thankfully) she was more than happy to and excitedly accepted which is great. This all took place at her daughter's third birthday bash on Broadstairs Beach. Little one is going to be so lucky when he/she meets their cousins, on all sides. 2) The interviews have begun with the referees which is also very exciting. The first was David best friend. We had no idea what to expect but he seemed to cope ok and wasn't too scarred by the process 3) We've been given the mission of sorting out Little one's bedroom. At the moment it's mostly used as a massive wardrobe come laundry room come storage. We were informed that before panel we would have a "second opinion" visit form a social worker we haven't meet yet so we have to get things spot on, You may have noticed that there is no picture for this entry, that's because I am typing this beside the pool on holiday in Turkey!! We are holidaying with friends and the gorgeous little 'G' as we did last year. We love spending time with her and babysit ( although she's not really a baby!) while her parents go off and have some time on their own. It's really quite weird to think that the next time we all holiday together we could be looking after our own little one. Weird but a lovely feeling.

Happy Father's Day

As we slowly woke up this morning and sat in bed drinking tea and coffee I couldn't help but think about how life could be a year from now!  We could be celebrating our first Father's Day, like all of the first time dads that I know.
I took the dog out for a walk and bumped into my downstairs neighbour and his son getting ready for a bike and I couldn't help but smile as the young son announced "Me and my daddy are going to ride our bikes."

I've been compelled to send out various Father's Day wishes on Facebook today and even phone my own Dad is St Lucia although they don't celebrate Father's Day on the same day.

I'm sure everyday with your child is special, but on THIS special day I'm even more eager to our welcome little.

The Guardian (not the newspaper)

We had another visit the other day, only four more to go!!! Three over the next three weeks and the final one, yes, the FINAL one just after we get back from holiday.  It'll be nice to close this chapter of our journey feeling refreshed.  Still more chapters to go though.

So, in our last visit we finished talking about our pasts and our childhood experience and finally moved on to the present day and the future!! Hooray!!!  The main job was building our 'Eco-gram' or support network.  It was actually fun to do and a good reminder of the friends and support we actually do have.  Our SW also gave us a heads-up as to what our next visit would entail.  Next Friday she'll her with her clip board doing her health and safety check.  No doubt there will be a long list of little jobs that need to be completed to make the flat safe and child-friendly (not that it isn't already!!!)
She's also going to take a look at little one's bedroom and make some recommendations.  At the moment it's a spare-room-come-walk-in-wardrobe so I'm sure she'll have lots to say.

On a more serious note we also discussed briefly the making of will.  Very scary and grown up.  But most thought provoking was the discussion around nominating a guardian for little one just in case something happens to us both.  That got us thinking and lucky we both came to the same conclusion.  Let's just hope our intended agrees.

Seeing the plus as well as the minus

Yet again it's been a little while between posts and that is because pretty much nothing has happened apart from having another meeting cancelled and our approval panel date set back by a month because of the Olympics of all things.  Our social worker agency is based right next to the Olympics village and it appears it is going to effect all aspects of their work.  It's really annoying as we were so excited about our panel date and the prospect of meeting our little one.  But now things are going to be delayed and the poor little cherub will be spending at least an extra month in a foster home bonding with someone else.  Surely that isn't fair, on any one.  I know they are doing their best as their priority has always got to be the child but sometimes it makes you wonder.  Our next meeting with our social worker is next Monday so let's hope something fantastic happens.
On the plus side though I suppose it does give us an extra month to make sure we are even more ready than we think we are.  This must be what it feels like when an expectant mother is overdue.

We went to the fun fair with some friends yesterday and won a little purple monster, the latest addition to little one's fluffy friends.  Freddie now joins Bertie, Rudolph, Worth, and Mr Strong.

Who knows how big the entourage will get to by the time little one gets here.  The good thing is that when we finally get to do our live story book little one will have lots of smiling friends waving back at them.

.....and on, and on, and on, and......

I can't believe it's been a month since my last entry, where did the time go.  It's been a weird month in terms of this process as, I suppose, lots has happened but nothing really major.

The biggest thing has been the solo interviews that we both had last week.  It made us both quite nervous beforehand as neither of us really had much of a clue as to what we were going to face. We've always seen the social worker together so this was totally new territory.

In fairness it wasn't actually as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Our social worker was probably more embarrassed asking the questions then I was answering them.  It was a very personal session focused on our relationship and 'intimacy', normally you'd only really discuss those kind of things with really close friends or after a good few drinks.

We've been doing lots of work on our finances of late and we were a little worried that our panel date might get delayed as our social worker had mentioned that our finances were of a slight concern to her.  Anyway, at my solo visit our social worker told me that the panel had to bring the date forward a week.  I'm hoping that as she mentioned this and the new date is now in our diary we won't be put back to a later panel date.

We managed to get together with the local couple (I wrote them about previously) and their little boy last weekend.  It was lovely to see their little family unit and although the little one was a bit shy around us you could see just how happy and content he was and how proud of him his Dad and Daddy were.  It was great chatting with them and once again, they gave me hope for our future.  I really hope we become great friends and our children get to play together.

Since our social worker mentioned the little girl my mind has been playing all sorts of tricks on me.  I used to dream of us and our son but now I never knew who I'm going to dream about when I drift off to sleep but I do know that little one gets here we're going to love them no matter who they are.

Not that I'm counting but it's 14 weeks until approval panel.  There is still a bit of work to do but I know our social worker is on our side and despite her heavy workload I know she's doing her best to make sure we get there on time but in the meantime, it's more visits and more homework!  Whoop whoop!!!!!!

A glimpse into the future (one year on!)

If we'd been lucky enough to already have our child, they so would have loved this weekend!

Saturday was my little cousins Luca's 7th birthday and she was having a pizza and cake themed party.  We were the first to arrive and got the full brunt of my little cousin's excitement.  Dad was busy cooking homemade (and totally yummy) pizzas while everyone else mingled.  A group of us, including David and my cousin Carol, managed to erect a wigwam in the garden before heading back inside to find the wine.  Unfortunately, we couldn't say all that long as another friend was bring her 5 month old baby round to see us, but the for time we were there it was great watching her open her cards and presents and all the other kid's playing.

Today was Theo's 4th birthday party.  I remember writing an entry about his party last year!  I can't believe I've been writing this blog for well over a year.  Anyway, I digress!
Uncle Dave was on full form today.  I was better prepared this year, the hoard of screaming didn't frighten me so much and I actually joined in a bit more, although somehow I managed to make the same girl I made cry last year cry again this year. Ooops!  I did the Hokey Cokey, was a judge for musical statues and served the kiddies sandwiches and chocolate fingers.  I know which they preferred.  They all went home happy and I got home relieved and (only just) in one piece.

Thursday we had home visit No.4.  I'm still to see the intrusion nature of this process but maybe I've spoken to soon.  We had 2 and a half hours of more chat and so far it's been ok although the fact that I'm writing this blog means I must be quite happy to chat and share my feelings.  Whilst talking about something totally different our SW suddenly asked if we would be open to adopting a girl as one was 'coming in'.  There was a bit more chat and a bit of what felt like back tracking before she got back to the point at hand. Of course we would be open to taking a girl into our home, at the end of the day our child will be loved whether boy or girl.  Even if this girl isn't 'the one' it's great to know that the local authority are proactively thinking of us.  It means they are taking us seriously and things could happen fairly quickly.

Even though we are only half way through the assessment period things are happening and the future looks bright.

Hoping for an A+

It's been a interesting and busy couple of weeks.  It's funny how all aspects of your life seems to revolve around children when you are in the middle of this process.  We've spent the long weekend thinking none stop about what kind of parents we would be.  And what a better way to finish off the Easter weekend than by doing homework!!!  This coming week is our first assessment session with our social worker in a little over a month.  In preparation we've had to complete our family trees, monthly budgets, financial forecast and a questionnaire about our community and local area.  I hope she's happy with what we have come up with, it's been a long time since I had to hand in homework.

For the earlier part of the Bank Holiday weekend we visited friends and their little girl.  We had a great time and even visited a local Safari Park.  Little G is a darling girl and although we have always thought we'd have a son, we would be over the moon if we had a girl who turned out like little G.  It was great spending the two days with them.  And over all that time little G only had one mini tantrum, but in fairness, she was really tired and toddled off to bed not long after.  The deal we struck meant that we had to read her a bedtime story, one of her favourite Mr Men books.
On the Sunday morning, following a very late night (1.30am is very late for us), there was a knock on the bedroom door at 7.00am and a very excited G-Bear can bundling into the bedroom and plonked herself in the space between us.  After 10 minutes of very excited chat, G was off again to find some hidden Easter eggs.  I turned to David and said "This is what it's going to be like everyday!" as we looked at each other excited, scared but still very tired.

Even a night out seeing Kylie Minogue in concert earlier last week ended in adoption talk.  Not with Kylie I might add!
On the way home I bumped into a local couple I have been chatting with on line who have a young adopted son.  Although we had all had a couple of drinks (they were still enjoying a well deserved night out) we had a really good chat about their process and their son.  It was really very encouraging as they laid some of my fears to rest and reassured me that we were on the right track.  They left me feel more confident about our progress.

So the homework is done and we are even more ready and eager.  Our next meeting is on Thursday and I'm sure it will bring a new challenge.  Bring it on!! We're ready for you!

Loveable handfuls

My two older brothers (and their prospective partners) blessed the family by having one son and five daugthers between them, the first being born when I was 16. 
In the early years I was the dutiful uncle, always on hand to babysit and quite often the foundation in an uncle/child tower.

But in those early days (the kids are aged 12-22 now) it was always my uncle duties, and playing, that were at the forefront of my mind.  I never really paid any thought to actually parenting them, afterall that was what their parents are for.  This whole adoption process has obviously made us think about what kind of parents we would be and how we would parent, so it was a real test/eye-opener when we went out for the day with my younger brother's children and their mother.  They have two young boys aged 2 and 4 who are both totally cute and loveable but have bundles and bundles of energy, not at all uncommon I'm sure.  Although we weren't looking after them by ourselves it was a real lesson in looking after two young energetic kids.

We went to Farmyard Funworld, which in itself is an activity that we would never normally be part of our weekend.  As we walked around about the farmyard animals and play activities we both smiled at each other in the knowledge that very soon this could soon be very much part of our weekend and in the not too distant future.  By the time we got home I was knackered but loved every single minute.

Babies, babies everywhere!

Have you ever had one of those moments, like when you buy a new car and then you see the same car every where you go, or when someone says something you've never heard before and then notice that everyone says it?  Well that's like me and babies are like at the moment, they are EVERYWHERE!!!

Not that it's a bad thing, not at all.  It's actually a great thing.  Maybe it's that time of my life but everyone has kids or is having kids.
Lucky we have so much support from people willing us to be parents that we are getting lots of hints and tips.  A lot of my friends right now are first time mothers so hearing how reality has actually hit them is quite eye-opening.

I spent a fair bit of time with my friend 'R' and her 9 month old daugther 'B' yesterday and it was great.  Baby B spent most of the time sitting on my lap and playing with me which freed her mother up to chat with her friend who was also there.  When she got a little grizzly (that's B not R) I took her off for a little walk.  Whilst it was obviously clear  that Baby B wasn't my child I still felt a sense of fatherly pride as I walked around with her cuddling her and easing her grizzly mood.

Then this morning whilst checking my Facebook I noticed a status update and a link on another friends profile.  It read "Ten things nobody tells you pre children".  On further investigation I discovered her excellent blog.  I loved reading her ten things and it definately echoed a lot of the things R told me.  Here is her blog.
http://www.bubbababble.blogspot.co.uk/

Thank god we've got such a fantastic network of great 'experienced' friends.  You all know who are and you know you'll be getting lots of phonecalls once little gets here!

Feel better!!

Our session was cancelled this week as our social worker was sick.  We'd already decided that she is probably pretty dedicated to her job so she must have been really ill to cancel one of our session.

The assessment process so far as been pretty speedy so I suppose we shouldn't really complain too much but it just makes you think how easily things could get delayed.  I suppose it gives us just that little bit longer to finish our 'homework'.  Our next appointment is due for another four weeks so if we manage to fit another on in we'll be back on track.

No more avoiding the issue

Yesterday was our third (three hour) session with our social worker and so far things are going along quite nicely.  We have one more session next week and then nothing for a month.  As it is we are getting quite a bit of 'homework' after each visit including creating genograms and chronological list of previous address, jobs and key events in our lives to date. Who knows what we'll get after the next visit.
One thing for sure is that we are going to have to look into our finances.  I understand the reasons behind it but to have someone routing through our spending habits is going to be a bitter pill to swallow.  It is the only part of the process that scares me as if we don't meet their expectations it could delay or even terminate proceedings.  That would be totally devastating.

So now it's unavoidable and we have to face the elephant in the room.  It's time for super scrimping, paying off debts and generally being frugal and keep an eye on those purse strings.  Let's put this into prospective though, we are no way at poverty's door but I don't think I could ever forgive myself if finance was the only reason we were refused.

We were given the exact date we are expected to go to panel so we have a very clear goal.  'Anything it takes' is the mantra we have to live by for the next six months at least.  Save money now, rich in love later.

It's not that bad....yet!

Yesterday we had the second of sessions with our social worker, so the assessment is well and truly underway. 

In the first session we set the plan for the assessment period and were even told when, providing everything goes to plan, we will be going to panel.  Panel, is where you become approved as an adoption.  It consists of about 12 people who go through the report our social worker has put together and make the decision whether to approve us or not.  With that in mind we have put in place 10 meetings where we will both meet with the social worker and one for each of us individually to meet and populate all of the boxes on the extensive report.

I have to say, I was expecting the assessment meetings to more like facing a German war general before being thrown into a concentration camp but so far it hasn't been that bad.  If truth be known it's actually been more like a trip down memory lane.  We've been taking about our childhoods and our early memories of our families.  It's surprising how much you remember and how talking about things unlocks so many other suppressed memories, memories of family squabbles, bad outfits and handed-down toys.  She also had to go through all of our papers, birth certificates, passports, NI cards, you name it.  They even want to see proof of my car insurance cover!!  I'm sure the questions will get more probing and even more personal as the assessment goes on but for now I'm wondering what all the fuss was about.  Ooops!  Have I spoken to soon? Probably!

So, we have one more session next week and then a 3 week break.  We have been incredibly lucky.  Some of the people we met on our prep group still haven't even met their social worker and I know it's been extremely frustrating for them.  Here's hoping that our speedy progress continues.  If everything moves at this pace we'll be a family of three in no time.

One step closer!

Under certain circumstances I refuse to let the grass grow under my feet, and this process is one of those circumstances.  At prep group we were told that we would find out who our social worker was by Friday.  Having not heard anything mid Friday afternoon I took it upon myself to make the call and was greeted with the brilliant news that we had been allocated our social.  Unfortunately she'd been on annual leave which is probably the reason they hadn't been in touch.

When the social worker (let's call them 'G') gets in touch we'll get together to review the prep group and look ahead to the long assessment period that sits in front of us.  The assessment always has the reputation of being like an interrogation from a black and white war movie.  Is this really what it's going to be like?  I hope not but only time will tell.

We now have an email contact group for the members of the prep group, somewhat like an on-line NCT group.  It'll be really interesting to hear about everyone's progress.

Each milestone in this journey just makes everything feel more real and means we really could be parents fairly soon.  It's funny how things change, at the moment the TV programmes we are watching are 'One Born Every Minute' (although thank god neither one of us will have to give birth, and 'Protecting Our Children' which is about a team of child care social workers.  A new programme called 'Daddy Day Car' starts this week.  I'll be watching that with a notepad!!

The end of Prep Group

So, day 2, 3 and 4 of Prep Group have been and gone and now we are just waiting to find out which social working we have been allocated and the 'interrogation' will begin ernest.

Day one of Prep Group was a little 'stale' for want of a better word but the following 3 days were emotional and thought provoking and at one point almost everyone in the room was close to, if not, in tears.
We discussed topics such as attachment, grief and loss, child development and contact with birth parents.  It's amazing, all these things that you don't even have to consider when you're having a child by natural means.  Contact (where by the birth parents stay in touch with the child and/or adoptive parents either face to face or by letter/card a couple of times a year) was an issue for quite a few of us but it's fair to say that by the end of the four days we were all in no doubt that if contact works, it really is in the best interest of the child.
We had talks from a lady who was adopted as a child, a woman who is an adoptive parent and a birth mother who gave her child up for adoption.  The birth mother gave such an emotional talk and it was clear that although she gave her child up 20 years there isn't a day she doesn't think about him.  It added a level of sympathy I never thought I'd feel for someone who had given their child up.  It made me realise that I want our child to have all the information he/she needs to feel whole.
No matter what, our child will know that they are loved beyond measure.

Roll on Friday, we'll find out who our social worker is and hopefully we'll gel as there is lots o work to do.  Fingers crossed.

On another note I've restarted my reading with kids.  I now have a lovely little fella called Jacob.  He's only six but he reads really well.  His attention span is very short though and when I'm reading with him I can't help wondering how I would be if this was my child.  Knowing that our child may have not be as good a reader as Jacob has made me think about how I would parent and react to his distracting techniques.  It's all very interesting as so many things now seem to be about how I will react in the future.

But only time will tell.  Let's just hope it's not too much time!

Prep Group day 1

Two entries in a week....this must be moving.
Today was the first day of the Preparation Group.  We were both a little excited and nervous as we made our way to the training venue, still pretty much unsure what we were letting ourselves in for or who would be there.  The first surprise was that of the 14 prospective adopters 6 were gay/lesbian.   The group consisted of an officer of the law, a BA worker, 2 GP's, 2 social worker, a stay at home Mum not to mention a nurse and an events organiser.  There were also 2 single adopters.  It just proves how this process involves people from all walks of life but with one common goal....to love a child.

We learnt about what we would encounter over the next 3 sessions and had a chance to work together on case studies based on the situations of some children and how they could come to care, or alternatively ways that they could be returned to there family.  They dispelled some myths about adoption figures and the scary nature of the assessment process.  I suppose we'll soon find out if they are telling the truth.  AND MAJOR SPANNER IN THE WORKS...(that was a little over dramatic)...we were told today that when we finally get approved we will be approved to 'adopt' and not just to adopt a particular number of children or gender.  We were led to believe that because we originally said a boy that that was all we were going to be concidered for.  It turns out that is not the case.  So whereas we have been stuck in the mindset that we would become fathers to a little boy, it now seems equally likely that would could bring home a little girl.  Either way, we would both be over the moon.

We also have a presentation from a chap who, with his parent, had adopted a little girl.  It was great to hear first hand about the process and the emotions.  He brought along the first photo he ever saw of his daugther and a photo album of her first year with her new family.  It was quite something.

We also discovered that we will be introduced to our social worker before the Prep Group is over.  That means in less than two weeks we will have our social worker and the assessment will begin in earnest!

So now we have homework for the next session.  I can't remember the last time I had homework.  Roll on next Thursday.

The nesting has begun

Well it looks like the 'nesting' has well and truly set in!  Today we went off to test drive a new 'family' car.  Now, anyone who knows me knows I'm not really a car man,  I couldn't tell you one bit from another.  But when asked if there was any particular features I was interested in my first response was that I had to be able to connect my iPod (for what am I without music) and the second was that it had to be a 5 door.  I didn't go in to details of why but to David and I it was very clear.  Gone are the days of wanting a convertible with a big engine.  Hello sensible 5 door family transportation.

At this moment in time I know so many people with young children, or that have just given birth or that are waiting for the blessed day that I can only assume that this too is the right time for us to become parents.  The longing is certainly there.

We have completed and returned our application form, done our CRB checks and the medical forms are all but done.  Next week we begin the elusive Prep Group.  It's hard to believe that it's almost a year since we finally decided that this was the path we were going to take.  We are still slightly in the dark about what to expect but maybe it's a good thing that we don't know to much.  I'm sure you'll get a full report on what happened.

So, Prep Group, here we come.  I hope you're ready for us!!